Frostbite Chapter 8

EightChristian was peting her, and wow, was it a candy kiss. He wasnt messing some. It was the kind of kiss that sm exclusively children shouldnt be allowed to look into. Hell, it was the kind of kiss no i should be allowed to see- allow al unity learn through a psychic link.As Ive noted before, strong emotion from Lissa could prep atomic number 18 this phenomenon happen- the unmatchable where I got pulled inside her headword. scarce al demeanors, always, it was because of some negative emotion. Shed deposit upset or angry or depressed, and that would r all(prenominal) out to me. alone this clock? She wasnt upset.She was elated. Very, very happy.Oh man. I needed to rag out of here.They were up in the attic of the schools chapel or, as I liked to cry out it, their love nest. The place had been a regular nameout for them, ass when each of them was detecting antisocial and cherished to escape. Eventually, theyd indomitable to be antisocial to run shorther, and one thing had led to an opposite. Since they started publicly dating, I hadnt populaten they spent much while here allmore. Maybe they were back for old times sake.And indeed, a exultation did seem to be going on. Little twineed displacedles were set up around the dusty old place, candles that fill the air with the scent of lilacs. I would have been a small(a) nervous close setting all those candles in a confined space filled with flammable boxes and books, barely Christian probably figured he could control any unintended infernos.They finally broke that insanely long kiss and pulled back to flavor at each other. They lay on their sides on the floor. Several blankets had been circle under them.Christians face was open and tender as he regarded Lissa, his sickish blue eyes aglow with some inner emotion. It was assorted from the way Mason regarded me. There was genuinely adoration with him, precisely Masons was a dish up like when you walk into a church and fall to your knees in devotion and fear of something you worship muted dont really understand. Christian cl early worship Lissa in his way, but there was a knowing glint to his eyes, a sense that the two of them shared an understanding of each other so ameliorate and powerful that they didnt crimson need words to convey it.Dont you hazard were going to go to hell for this? asked Lissa.He reached out and hinted her face, trailing his fingers along her cheek and neck and mass to the top of her silky shirt. She respire heavily at that have-to doe with, at the way it could be so calm and small, yet evoke such a strong passion indoors her.For this? He played with the shirts rim, letting his finger skillful barely rinse inside of it.No, she laughed. For this. She gestured around the attic. This is a church. We shouldnt be doing this kind of, um, thing up here.Not true, he argued. Gently, he pushed her onto her back and leaned over her. The church is bolt d birthstairs. This is moreov er storage. God wont mind.You dont count in God, she chastised. Her custody made their way down his chest. Her movements were as light and deliberate as his, yet they clearly triggered the afore verbalise(prenominal) powerful response in him.He sighed happily as her extends slid under his shirt and up his stomach. Im humoring you.Youd say anything decently now, she accused. Her fingers caught the edge of his shirt and pushed it up. He shifted so she could push it all the way turned him and thence leaned back over her, bare-chested.Youre right, he agreed. He coverfully undid one tone ending on her blouse. Just one. Then he again leaned down and gave her one of those exhausting, deep kisses. When he came up for air, he continued on as though nothing had happened. Tell me what you need to hear, and Ill say it. He unfastened another spillage.Theres nothing I need to hear, she laughed. Another button popped free. You can tell me whatever you want- itd unspoilt be nice if it wer e true.The truth, huh? No one wants to hear the truth. The truth is never juicy. single if you The live button came undone, and he spread her shirt away. You are overly goddamned sexy to be real.His words held his trademark snarky tone, but his eyes conveyed a different message entirely. I was watchering this scene through Lissas eyes, but I could pretend what he saw. Her smooth, discolor skin. Slender waist and hips. A lacy white bra. Through her, I could feel that the lace was itchy, but she didnt care.Feelings both fond and hungry spread over his features. From at bottom Lissa, I could feel her spunk race and breathing quicken. Emotions similar to Christians clouded all other pellucid thoughts. Shifting down, he lay on top of her, pressing their bodies together. His speak sought hers out again, and as their lips and tongues made contact, I knew I had to get out of there.Because I understood it now. I understood why Lissa had change up and why the love nest had bee n decked out like a Yankee Candles showroom. This was it. The moment. After a month of dating, they were going to have sex. Lissa, I knew, had done it before with a past boyfriend. I didnt know Christians past, but I sincerely doubted many girls had fallen prey to his abrasive charm.But in feeling what Lissa matte up, I could tell that none of that mattered. Not in that moment. In that moment, there were only the two of them and the way they felt close each other right now. And in a life filled with more worries than somebody her age should have had, Lissa felt absolutely certain about what she was doing now. It was what she precious. What shed wanted for a very long time with him.And I had no right to be witnessing it.Who was I kidding? I didnt want to witness it. I took no plea real in watching other pile get it on, and I sure as hell didnt want to experience sex with Christian. Itd be like losing my virginity virtually.But Jesus Christ, Lissa wasnt making it tripping to get o ut of her head. She had no desire to detach from her feelings and emotions, and the stronger they grew, the stronger they held me. Trying to blank myself from her, I focused my energies on coming back to myself, concentrating as hard as I could.More clothes disappeared Come on, come on, I told myself sternly.The condom came out yikes.Youre your own person, Rose. Get back in your head.Their limbs intertwined, their bodies go together Son of a-I ripped out of her and back to myself. Once again, I was back in my room, but I no longer had any interest in packing my backpack. My whole world was askew. I felt strange and violated- almost unsure if I was Rose or if I was Lissa. I also felt that resentment toward Christian again. I sure as shooting didnt want to have sex with Lissa, but there was that same bunko game inside of me, that frustrated feeling that I was no longer the centre of her world.Leaving the backpack untouched, I went right to bed, wrapping my arms around myself and curling into a ball to try to squelch the ache within my chest.I fell asleep pretty quickly and woke up early as a result. Usually, I had to be dragged out of bed to go meet Dimitri, but today I showed up early profuse that I really beat him to the gym. As I waited, I saw Mason cutting across to one of the buildings that held classrooms.Whoa, I called. Since when are you up this early?Since I had to re engender a math test, he said, pass over to me. He gave me his mischievous smile. Might be worth skipping, though, to hang out with you.I laughed, remembering my conversation with Lissa. Yes, there were definitely worsened things I could do than flirt and start something with Mason.Nah. You might get in trouble, then Id have no real challenge on the slopes.He rolled his eyes, still smiling. Im the one with no real challenge, remember?You jell to bet on something yet? Or are you still too afraid?Watch it, he warned, or I might take back your Christmas present.You got me a present? I hadnt expected that.Yup. But if you hold the line back-talking, I might give it to someone else. akin Meredith? I teased.She isnt even in your league, and you know it.Even with a wispy eye? I asked with a grimace.Even with two black eyes.The numerate he gave me alone then wasnt teasing or even really suggestive. It was fair nice. Nice, friendly, and interested. Like he really cared. After all the stress lately, I decided I liked being cared about. And with the neglect I was starting to feel from Lissa, I realized I also kind of liked having someone who wanted to pay so much attention to me.What are you doing on Christmas? I asked.He shrugged. Nothing. My mom almost came down but had to engrave at the last minute you know, with everything that happened.Masons mother wasnt a guardian. She was a dhampir whod elect to just be domestic and have kids. As a result, I knew he saw her quite a bit. It was ironic, I thought, that my mom genuinely was here, but for all intents and purp oses, she might as well have been somewhere else.Come hang with me, I said on impulse. Ill be with Lissa and Christian and his aunt. Itll be fun.Really?Very fun.Thats not what I was asking about.I grinned. I know. Just be there, okay?He swept me one of the gallant bows he liked to sword. Absolutely.Mason wandered off just as Dimitri showed up for our practice. Talking to Mason had made me feel giddy and happy I hadnt thought about my face at all with him. But with Dimitri, I suddenly became self-conscious. I didnt want to be anything less than perfect with him, and as we walked inside, I went out of my way to avert my face so he couldnt look at me full-on. Worrying about that brought my mood down, and as it plummeted, all the other things that had been upsetting me came tumbling back.We returned to the training room with the dummies, and he told me he simply wanted me to practice the maneuvers from two days ago. dexterous he wasnt going to bring up the fight, I set to my caper wi th a burning zeal, showing the dummies just what would happen if they messed with Rose Hathaway. I knew my fighting fury was fired up by more than just a simple desire to do well. My feelings were out of control this morning, vulgar and intense after both the fight with my mother and what Id witnessed with Lissa and Christian last night. Dimitri sat back and watched me, occasionally critiquing my technique and offering suggestions for new tactics.Your hairs in the way, he said at one point. Not only are you blocking your peripheral vision, youre running the risk of letting your enemy get a handhold.If Im actually in a fight, Ill wear it up. I grunted as I shoved the stake neatly up between the dummys ribs. I didnt know what these artificial bones were made of, but they were a bitch to operate around. I thought about my mom again and added a little extra force to the jab. Im just wearing it down today, thats all.Rose, he said warningly. Ignoring him, I plunged again. His voice came more sharply the next time he spoke. Rose. stymie.I backed away from the dummy, surprised to find my breathing lumbering. I hadnt realized I was working that hard. My back hit the wall. With nowhere to go, I looked away from him, directing my eyes toward the ground. have a bun in the oven at me, he ordered.Dimitri- Look at me.No matter our close history, he was still my instructor. I couldnt refuse a direct order. Slowly, reluctantly, I turned toward him, still tilting my head slightly down so the hair hung over the sides of my face. Rising from his chair, he walked over and stood before me.I avoided his eyes but saw his hand move forward to brush back my hair. Then it stopped. As did my breathing. Our perfunctory attraction had been filled with questions and reservations, but one thing Id known for sure Dimitri had loved my hair. Maybe he still loved it. It was owing(p) hair, Ill admit. foresighted and silky and dark. He used to find excuses to touch it, and hed counseled me against cutting it as so many female guardians did.His hand hovered there, and the world stood still as I waited to see what he would do. After what seemed like an eternity, he let his hand gradually fall back to his side. Burning disappointment swear out over me, yet at the same time, Id learned something. Hed hesitated. Hed been afraid to touch me, which maybe- just maybe- meant he still wanted to. Hed had to hold himself back.I late tipped my head back so that we made eye contact. virtually of my hair fell back from my face- but not all. His hand trembled again, and I hoped again hed reach forward. The hand steadied. My excitement dimmed.Does it hurt? he asked. The scent of that aftershave, mingled with his sweat, washed over me. God, I wished he had touched me.No, I lied.It doesnt look so bad, he told me. Itll heal.I hate her, I said, astonished at just how much venom those three words held. Even epoch suddenly turned on and wanting Dimitri, I still couldnt destroy the grud ge I held against my mother.No, you dont, he said gently.I do.You dont have time to hate anyone, he advised, his voice still kind. Not in our profession. You should make peace with her.Lissa had said exactly the same thing. Outrage joined my other emotions. That darkness within me started to unfurl. Make peace with her? After she gave me a black eye on purpose Why am I the only one who sees how crazy that is?She absolutely did not do it on purpose, he said, voice hard. No matter how much you resent her, you have to believe that. She wouldnt do that, and anyway, I saw her later that day. She was worried about you. in all likelihood more worried someone will bring her up on child abuse charges, I grumbled.Dont you think this is the time of year for benignity?I sighed loudly. This isnt a Christmas special This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just dont happen.He was still eyeing my calmly. In the real world, you can make your own miracles.My frustration suddenly hi t a breaking point, and I gave up trying to maintain my control. I was so tired of being told reasonable, matter-of-fact things whenever something went wrong in my life. Somewhere in me, I knew Dimitri only wanted to help, but I just wasnt up for the well-meant words. I wanted comfort for my problems. I didnt want to think about what would make me a better person. I wished hed just hold me and tell me not to worry.Okay, can you just stop this for once? I demanded, hands on my hips.Stop what?The whole profound venereal infection crap thing. You dont talk to me like a real person. Everything you say is just some wise, life-lesson nonsense. You really do salubrious like a Christmas special. I knew it wasnt entirely fair to take my anger out on him, but I found myself practically shouting. I swear, sometimes its just like you want to hear yourself talk And I know youre not always this way. You were perfectly normal when you talked to Tasha. But with me? Youre just going through the motions. You dont care about me. Youre just stuck in your nitwitted mentor role.He stared at me, uncharacteristically surprised. I dont care about you?No. I was being petty- very, very petty. And I knew the truth- that he did care and was more than just a mentor. I couldnt help myself, though. It just kept coming and coming. I jabbed his chest with my finger. Im another student to you. You just go on and on with your stupid life lessons so that- The hand Id hoped would touch my hair suddenly reached out and grabbed my pointing hand. He pinned it to the wall, and I was surprised to see a flare of emotion in his eyes. It wasnt exactly angerbut it was frustration of another kind.Dont tell me what Im feeling, he growled.I saw then that half of what Id said was true. He was almost always calm, always in control- even when fighting. But hed also told me how hed once snapped and beaten up his Moroi father. Hed actually been like me once- always on the verge of acting without thinking, do ing things he knew he shouldnt.Thats it, isnt it? I asked.What?Youre always fighting for control. Youre the same as me.No, he said, still obviously worked up. Ive learned my control.Something about this new realization emboldened me. No, I informed him. You havent. You put on a good face, and most of the time you do stay in control. But sometimes you cant. And sometimes I leaned forward, lowering my voice. Sometimes you dont want to.RoseI could see his labored breathing and knew his heart was beating as quickly as mine. And he wasnt pulling away. I knew this was wrong- knew all the logical reasons for us staying apart. But right then, I didnt care. I didnt want to control myself. I didnt want to be good.Before he realized what was happening, I kissed him. Our lips met, and when I felt him kiss me back, I knew I was right. He pressed himself closer, trapping me between him and the wall. He kept holding my hand, but his other one snaked behind my head, slide into my hair. The kiss w as filled with so much intensity it held anger, passion, release.He was the one who broke it. He jerked away from me and took several steps back, feeling shaken.Do not do that again, he said stiffly.Dont kiss me back then, I retorted.He stared at me for what seemed like forever. I dont give Zen lessons to hear myself talk. I dont give them because youre another student. Im doing this to teach you control.Youre doing a great job, I said bitterly.He closed his eyes for half a second, exhaled, and muttered something in Russian. Without another glance at me, he turned and left field the room.